Hurley Burley

Ah well yet another SFA scapegoat for the failures of the Scottish National Football Team.
Do we see any of the "leaders" of our game namely Smith, Peat and eh.....thingy, whatshisname and who ( those others that allegedly have great knowledge and interest in our game but no one actually knows their name, where they came from or what the hell they actually do) taking any responsibility for the shambles the national game is actually in? Of course not, there is more chance of Nick Griffin appearing on Goks Fashion Fix!
George Burley had a decent track record in club management, came across as a proud and passionate Scot and (surprisingly) actually wanted to manage his national team. He had a vision of how he wanted Scotland to play, seems like he had had enough of our previous tactics of years gone by of throwing as many men behind the ball as possible, using those good old Scottish traits of grit, determination and agression to throw bodies in front of any ball that came near our goal, being scared to pass the ball 3 times in succession, hoofing the ball towards the opposition goal for a lone striker (who couldn't control it) to chase down and calling it "counter attack", and then throwing on another striker with 10 minutes to go in an attempt to score (usually as a consolation) .
George Burley had the dream of Scotland actually trying to be creative, to attack teams, to be offensive, not to be scared of the ball and if we ever dared take the lead in a game look to go and score another. A brilliant, idealist plan, a plan that would excite the Scottish Football fans, a plan that would see us once again climb the echelons of world football, a plan that would guarantee us reaching a major final again a plan that was, however, fundamentally flawed. George Burley had forgotten one critical fact..........WE ARE PISH AT FOOTBALL!!!!
During his tenure there was the odd glimmer of hope when we actually looked like a football team but for the most part it was like watching Wildebeest on the African Plain, majestic to begin with then running around in a blind frenzy as soon as they come under attack.
So where do we go next?
Does Wattie come to our rescue, riding in on his white charger to save our game on his journey to a knighthood? (Wattie has been presented with more unlikely escape routes in times of trouble than James Bond)
Does Craig Levien give up club management when he is just peaking to be dragged to the depths of National mediocrity?
Does Jim Jeffries and his sidekick Billy Brown leave their comfort zone of moaning that all the big clubs get all the decisions to progress to moaning that all the big countries get all the decisions?
Does Jimmy Calderwood give up the chance to rack up daily points on his loyalty card for his local sunbed shop to take the reigns?
Does Gordon Strachan give up the opportunity to manage a diddy team with ideas above its station to manage....eh.....a diddy team with ideas above its station?
Does anyone actually care anymore?
There can be only one man to lead us from this darkness, a man who is capable of righting every wrong, a man with the strength of character to take our players by the scruff of the neck and show them the error of their ways, a man who is idolised by thousands that man is........the one.......the only........JEREMY KYLE!!!
Abley assisted by a backroom staff of Trisha Goddard and Rikki Lake with Jerry Springer as press officer this would be the sort of inspired, forward thinking dream team appointment that would address the problems currently facing the national team.
The mentally challenged, band wagon jumping clique currently masquerading as the Scottish Media would thrive on such an appointment. The players would jump at the chance to work with their innovative and challenging methods and the fans would be enthralled, hanging on their every word and backing them to the hilt.
This is the only way forward for Scottish Football!!!
(or we could always get John Collins, he isnt doing anything and can speak French, woohoo!)

Scandal

Had the usual Sunday morning stumble to the newsagents to have a flick through the red tops before deciding whether there was any content that would justify me parting with whatever price it was that week. Reached the rack and was staring into the eyes of the cleverest man on TV, Mr Simon Cowell, his mugshot emblazoned across the bible of truth, honesty and sincerity that is the News of the World.
My first thought was that Katie Price had admitted that Simon was the father of her pet iguana but he had not fulfilled his duties as any other loving Iguana dad would, although was happy to take the Iguana on tour and flaunt it in front of the camera's as part of his evil charade, and that she now breaks down in tears whenever the Discovery Channel is on, a story worthy of front page news I'm sure you will agree.
My second thought was that he was perhaps identified as the mystery money man ready to buy Glasgow Rangers and save them from oblivion, but then I realised that no one wants to buy Glasgow Rangers and not even the NOTW would print a story so outrageous.
So after realising I had been standing in front of a rack of papers for a good few minutes, scratching my chin and looking skywards I thought it might be an idea to actually read the story.
X FACTOR IN CRISIS - had Danni's stylist ran out of hair extensions? had Cheryl forgot her kleenex? had Louis finally learned how to clap like any normal human being? No! Apparently there had been a few arguments, a snog and a couple of 17 year old boys had a swatch of porn!
There was also the proclamation that one contestant was "shocked to discover text messages on a mobile phone between two others discussing their feelings for each other - in complete defiance of a 'no-relationship' rule " , I'm assuming that this was also the catalyst for at least one of the arguments, which began " what the hell are you doing looking at my phone!! " .
Thankfully Simon has had the good sense to call in counsellors and has confirmed that next year there will be two houses, one for the males and one for females!
Now I'm no psychologist, well I am I just dont have a certificate from Ebay to confirm it.....yet, but surely anyone with any sense would anticipate that there might be a few wee issues in a house filled with fame hungry wannabe's, under pressure to perform every week, away from their friends and family and having to put up with that strange guy who is titled "creative director".
Or maybe this is all part of Simons grand plan, part of his march towards global domination...watch out friends there hasnt been anyone with such a bad haircut that weilds so much power since a wee Austrian painter got pissed off with someone for not liking his pavement art.
Simon Cowell evil genius??? I think so