Scandal

Had the usual Sunday morning stumble to the newsagents to have a flick through the red tops before deciding whether there was any content that would justify me parting with whatever price it was that week. Reached the rack and was staring into the eyes of the cleverest man on TV, Mr Simon Cowell, his mugshot emblazoned across the bible of truth, honesty and sincerity that is the News of the World.
My first thought was that Katie Price had admitted that Simon was the father of her pet iguana but he had not fulfilled his duties as any other loving Iguana dad would, although was happy to take the Iguana on tour and flaunt it in front of the camera's as part of his evil charade, and that she now breaks down in tears whenever the Discovery Channel is on, a story worthy of front page news I'm sure you will agree.
My second thought was that he was perhaps identified as the mystery money man ready to buy Glasgow Rangers and save them from oblivion, but then I realised that no one wants to buy Glasgow Rangers and not even the NOTW would print a story so outrageous.
So after realising I had been standing in front of a rack of papers for a good few minutes, scratching my chin and looking skywards I thought it might be an idea to actually read the story.
X FACTOR IN CRISIS - had Danni's stylist ran out of hair extensions? had Cheryl forgot her kleenex? had Louis finally learned how to clap like any normal human being? No! Apparently there had been a few arguments, a snog and a couple of 17 year old boys had a swatch of porn!
There was also the proclamation that one contestant was "shocked to discover text messages on a mobile phone between two others discussing their feelings for each other - in complete defiance of a 'no-relationship' rule " , I'm assuming that this was also the catalyst for at least one of the arguments, which began " what the hell are you doing looking at my phone!! " .
Thankfully Simon has had the good sense to call in counsellors and has confirmed that next year there will be two houses, one for the males and one for females!
Now I'm no psychologist, well I am I just dont have a certificate from Ebay to confirm it.....yet, but surely anyone with any sense would anticipate that there might be a few wee issues in a house filled with fame hungry wannabe's, under pressure to perform every week, away from their friends and family and having to put up with that strange guy who is titled "creative director".
Or maybe this is all part of Simons grand plan, part of his march towards global domination...watch out friends there hasnt been anyone with such a bad haircut that weilds so much power since a wee Austrian painter got pissed off with someone for not liking his pavement art.
Simon Cowell evil genius??? I think so